"Do you feel lucky?"
It’s one of Clint Eastwood’s iconic lines (probably a notch below "go ahead, make my day") that wasn’t spoken to a home furnishing.
But it’s still a question many of us think of late on a Friday afternoon just before weekend call gets rolled over to us.
Weekend hospital call, like an approaching storm, brings foreboding and dread. You have no control over the circumstances that are about to whack you. If it’s busy, you’re out of luck. Whatever comes in, you have to deal with it.
I try to ameliorate the pain by using a quote from a residency attending: "It’s not busy, it’s profitable." I also often repeat Dory’s line from "Finding Nemo" – "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" – as I round endlessly.
But humans, by nature, are superstitious creatures. Our ancestors across the globe created pantheons of deities to explain the sun, storms, ocean, and other natural phenomenon they couldn’t control and prayed to them to try to do so.
Now we fear a nebulous group of beings named the "call gods."
It’s always plural, and it’s never been established how many there are or if they have individual names. But they’re feared by all who take hospital call. Amongst physicians, I find they’re universal. Doctors who are Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, atheists ... all know and fear them.
The rules of this medical religion have never been put down and are passed on by verbal tradition. The main theme is that you never, ever, ever do anything to make them angry. This primarily involves not saying things like "it’s quiet so far" or "gee, my phone hasn’t rung all day," for doing so will most assuredly bring their wrath down upon you.
Likewise, even if things are quiet, you never say that until 7:01 on Monday morning, when it’s been rolled back over to your call partner. If someone asks, "how’s your call going?" – even if nothing has happened – you still say "steady" or "hopping" just to avoid challenging the unseen deities.
Of course, the call gods aren’t the only ones we fear. There are specialty-specific, and even procedure-specific, deities. Any neurologist attempting a bedside lumbar puncture on a large person will likely say a quick prayer to the LP gods.
Medicine has come a long way, over time, but even a field with a hefty base in science can’t overcome human nature and our inherent fear of forces beyond our control.
Dr. Block has a solo neurology practice in Scottsdale, Ariz.