- 10: I was consulted to evaluate a woman for suicidal ideation whose mother had coded and died in the ED an hour before. When the woman was told of her mother’s death, she crumpled to floor, screaming she wanted to die to join her mother. In the tumult, ED staff thought she was running out of the hospital to jump into traffic. She was held in the ED involuntarily until she could be evaluated for safety by psychiatry – me. When I entered her hospital room, she was quietly weeping, whispering: “I want my mom. I want my mom.” I wanted to cry, too. I sat with her in silence for a few minutes and offered my condolences. Yet, as the consultant, I had a job to do: I needed to complete a risk assessment. My voice caught as I explained that I was here to assess her for suicidal thoughts and plans. She looked at me like I was crazy. I felt crazy. I acknowledged the risk of suicide and her expressed desire to join her mother in death. I asked the questions quickly and gently. She shook her head to all my questions and told me she just wanted to go home. I met her daughters in the waiting room who were caught up in grief over the combination of their grandmother’s death and their mother’s reaction. They seemed certain that their mother had not wanted to die, and we agreed it was a situation of the wrong reaction in the wrong place. The daughters agreed to take her home and watch her all night. This is the only 10 I’ve experienced on the emotional pain scale. I felt shame and confusion as I struggled to reconcile my obligation as a psychiatrist, and my true desire to give that woman a hug and send her home without a battery of questions at perhaps her most vulnerable moment.
Dr. Posada is a third-year resident in the psychiatry and behavioral sciences department at George Washington University, Washington. She completed a bachelor’s degree at GWU. For 2 years after her undergraduate education, she worked at the National Institutes of Allergy and Infectious Diseases studying HIV pathogenesis. Dr. Posada completed her medical degree at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. Her interests include public psychiatry, health care policy, and health disparities, and she plans to pursue a fellowship in consult liaison psychiatry.