Mr. Shernoff stated: One of the biggest differences between male couples and mixed-sex couples is that many, but by no means all, within the gay community have an easier acceptance of sexual nonexclusivity than does heterosexual society in general. Research confirms that nonmonogamy in and of itself does not create a problem for male couples when it has been openly negotiated (Fam. Process. 2006;45:407-18).
The role of affairs in marriage can now be subjected to a more nuanced discussion, after digesting the above views and practice of marriage. What is the meaning of an affair? What is an open relationship? What are the models of intimacy? Is an affair a breach in the couple’s definition of intimacy? What are the rules? How does a couple define an affair within the context of their own relationship?
Conclusion
Postmodernism provides family therapists a new set of theories and a new language for describing the variety of families. As Jacqueline Hudak, Ph.D., and Shawn V. Giammattei, Ph.D., have written: "As family therapists, we are uniquely poised to transform the meanings attached to ‘marriage’ and ‘family,’ to focus on the quality of relationships rather than on the gender of a partner or the assumption of particular roles" ("Expanding Our Social Justice Practices: Advances in Theory and Practice," Washington: American Family Therapy Academy, Winter 2010).
The traditional view of marriage is referred to as "heteronormativity" and is defined by the belief that a viable family consists of "a heterosexual mother and a father raising heterosexual children together" ("Handbook of Qualitative Research," Thousand Oaks, Calif.:Sage, 2000). Despite the above expansion of views on marriage and families, heteronormativity remains the current organizing principle of family theory, practice, research, and training. It will take many decades to shift the dominant paradigm. Developing awareness, and listening to families and couples is the first step.
Dr. Heru is with the department of psychiatry at the University of Colorado at Denver, Aurora. She is editor of the recently published book, "Working With Families in Medical Settings: A Multidisciplinary Guide for Psychiatrists and Other Health Professionals" (New York: Routledge, 2013).