When Layla’s team first mentioned hospice, “I was in the car on my phone, and I almost crashed the car,” Mrs. Sonnen recalled. “The first thought that came to mind was: ‘It is just the end,’ but we felt she was nowhere near it, because she was strong, she was mighty. She was my little girl. She was going to get through this.”
About 3 months later, as Layla’s nervous system deteriorated, causing her to writhe in pain, her parents agreed to enroll her in hospice with TrinityKids Care. She died weeks later, not long after her second birthday. She was in her mother’s arms, with Mr. Sonnen close by.
“All of a sudden, Layla breathed out a big rush of air. The nurse looked at me and said: ‘That was her last breath.’ I was literally breathing in her last breath,” Mrs. Sonnen recounted. “I never wanted to breathe again, because now I felt I had her in my lungs. Don’t make me laugh, don’t make me exhale.”
Layla’s parents have no regrets about their decision to put her in hospice. “It was the absolute right decision, and in hindsight we should have done it sooner,” Mr. Sonnen said. “She was suffering, and we had blinders on.”
Ms. Pinedo said she is “infinitely grateful” for hospice, despite the heartache of Aaron’s condition. Sometimes the social worker will stop by, she said, just to say hello and drop off a latte, a small gesture that can feel very uplifting. “They’ve been our lifeline,” she said.
Ms. Pinedo talks about a friend of hers with a healthy baby, also named Aaron, who is pregnant with her second child. “All the stuff that was on our list, they’re living. And I love them dearly. But it’s almost hard to look, because it’s like looking at the stuff that you didn’t get. It’s like Christmas Day, staring through the window at the neighbor’s house, and you’re sitting there in the cold.”
Yet she seems palpably torn between that bleak remorse and the unconditional love parents feel toward their children. At one point, Ms. Pinedo interrupted herself midsentence and turned to her son, who was in Mr. Martinez’s arms: “Yes, Papi, you are so stinking cute, and you are still my dream come true.”
This story was produced by KHN, which publishes California Healthline, an editorially independent service of the California Health Care Foundation. KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.