Strategies for building better behavior
How important is it for the parent to verbalize what they are doing to instruct or accommodate their school-aged child? In the presence of others, the fewer words highlighting that an intervention is underway the better. Sometimes having a secret signal to prompt or praise, even a wink, can be helpful without being humiliating. These should be decided on together in private and practiced at first in nonstressful situations. Comments of appreciation or praise are appropriate then and are often reinforcing but should be very specific; for example, “I’m glad you got ready right away when it was time to leave” rather than general or backwards praise “Ready on time today, huh?” For some, especially younger or special-needs children, marks, points, tickets, tokens, or little prizes may be beneficial reinforcers, especially when trying to establish new patterns of interaction. Praise should fairly quickly replace more concrete rewards, though, by weaning, first by intermittent delivery or spacing further apart.
When counseling about oppositional behavior in school-aged children eliciting specific examples is key to determining whether parents are overly rigid or lax, have realistic expectations for their individual child’s temperament, skills, and past experiences (for example, traumas). As Ross Greene, PhD, points out,1 assisting families in understanding the gaps in skills that bring out opposition and categorizing behaviors into the rare “must-do’s,” and the many “just drop it’s,” in order to focus on understanding and building strategies and cooperation for situations that are important but not critical (Plan B) may require regular counseling by a mental health professional to help a child develop adaptive behavior and facilitate family harmony.
Reference
1. Greene RW. The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, Sixth Edition, (New York: Harper Paperbacks, 2021).
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.