Some parents of very young children – those 6 years old and younger – will come to you exhausted, feeling inadequate as parents, and even angry at their children.
Parents will report that their children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder are very difficult at home and in preschool. Probably when their children were around age 2, 3, or 4 years old, their parents began wondering if the youngsters were immature, were more impulsive, and had a shorter attention span, compared with peers.
Pediatricians will recognize this pattern as likely ADHD and, in addition to making an accurate diagnosis, know that much is at stake in guiding and supporting parents. A critical relationship is at risk as the child's behavior evokes criticism and a negative tone from parents. Pediatricians should help parents set reasonable expectations and focus on behaviors and activities that build self-esteem. For some families, this work can be difficult and time consuming, requiring counseling and behavioral reward training – probably better delegated to a mental health specialist.
Attention span, impulsivity, and motoric hyperactivity are active concerns every waking hour of the child's day. Certain demands in preschool, at a longer dinner, or in church may exacerbate the symptoms, whereas playing in the park or playing a fun-filled computer game may ease the symptoms. The pediatrician can sort through a typical day and recommend approaches that are consistent with developmentally reasonable expectations, and modified for the child's ADHD symptoms.
Family history is another consideration. About 30% of children with ADHD come from fathers who had or have the disorder. Reminding a father of his difficulties growing up or any ongoing ADHD symptoms can be helpful in eliciting some empathy from him for his child's suffering.
Beyond family life, ADHD will affect the choice of school and activities. Based on what works for the child, consider how many hours a child should spend in preschool and how much structure is helpful. How will the culture of the school fit the child's style? Remember that the last thing a child with ADHD needs is an early school experience characterized by criticism and a sense of not being able to please teachers. A school with more recess and activity opportunities, as well as after-school programs, might be a good choice, and might offer some respite for parents.
As part of building self-esteem, ask parents if there is anything the child is really good at. For example, I treated a 6-year-old with ADHD who was gifted with computers. He was able to teach his peers and play games with friends, and he felt genuine pride working with a machine that was tolerant and nonjudgmental, and could be reset as needed. Might this not lead to a path of an after-school computer club or computer summer camp (that of course would include other activities)? Other young children may show strength in music, art, or a sport, and these activities are at least as important as remediating weaknesses.
Awareness of the different ADHD subtypes is important in general, but also can guide you in when to refer these children. Some kids with ADHD are more moody or depressed, some are more anxious, and others are more physically aggressive. Consider referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist if one of these subtypes becomes more difficult to manage. A mental health consultation can help these higher-risk children.
Some children with ADHD also have learning disabilities, and diagnosis at a young age, before school failure, is invaluable. If you suspect this in a particular patient, you might want to recommend some early testing through the schools to avoid creation of unrealistic expectations in the classroom.
Parents may tell you their children are impulsive. While other kids are more predictable when playing in the sandbox, their children with ADHD may do something unpredictable. They might jump out of the sandbox or grab a toy from another child, for example. A mother of a 3-year-old with ADHD will stay closer to the sandbox because she doesn't know what that child is going to do next.
Typically, the child also will have a shorter attention span. The parents cannot relax because they know the sandbox, or a particular project in the sandbox, won't hold their child as long. Other children may be occupied for 15, 20, or even 30 minutes, but their young child with ADHD might last only 3 or 4 minutes and then need to move on. That, as you can imagine, is going to make the parenting demands much higher. Remember this doesn't happen for just 1 or 2 hours per day; children with true ADHD are going to be like this from the time they get up until the time they go to sleep.