Many of Justin Bieber’s fans (and their parents) were alarmed this week when celebrity gossip web site TMZ published photographs that appeared to show the young superstar smoking marijuana. Fortunately for those of us whose daughters own the singing Justin Bieber doll (ahem), he immediately took to Twitter and cleared up the whole thing in 140 characters or less: "I see all of u. I hear all of u. I never want to let any of you down. I love u." Then he forgot what he was doing and ate two pizzas while staring at his left hand.
La Vida Loca
In your forties you spend a lot of time thinking, “If only I knew then what I know now.” Like, if a girl doesn’t return your first six messages, the chances that the seventh time is the charm are reasonably low. Like, if there’s one thing better than having a formal living room, it’s having an affordable mortgage. Like, if your infant cries when you put her in her crib to sleep you don’t have to dance with her through an entire Ricky Martin CD. Twice. Don’t judge.
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But did Justin Bieber prefer rebellious punk music when he was 12?
That’s right, sleep-deprived parents who feel guilty letting their infants cry at night can now read this month’s Developmental Psychology and feel better (also, long words and the academic passive voice are known to help babies sleep). In the issue, Temple University psychologist Marsha Weinraub explains how she and her colleagues tracked the sleep patterns of over 1,200 infants up until age 3. What they found was shocking: cyclical awakenings are normal, and they get better over time.
That wasn’t all they discovered. For example, the team found that breast-fed babies really do awaken more frequently at night, at first because breast milk is digested more quickly than formula, later because they may have grown used to falling asleep at the breast, and even later just to gloat at how insanely healthy they are. Weinraub also reports that infants of depressed mothers had a harder time sleeping, but she couldn’t say whether maternal depression interferes with infants’ sleep or fatigued mothers were more likely to experience depression. My personal theory is that depression results from dancing to too much Ricky Martin.
Schoolhouse Doc
The American Academy of Pediatrics Council On School Health released a policy statement this week that everyone agrees is a good idea and that will likely be implemented right after the universal tax on carbon emissions and just before the stringent ban on private sales of assault weapons. Their common-sense suggestion, presented in Pediatrics, is that every school district in the country should have its own pediatric consultant to help oversee the creation and implementation of policies that affect student health. School boards responded with enthusiasm then asked how many pediatricians are also certified in teaching and marksmanship.
To be fair, the Council had already anticipated questions about how strapped school districts might find the money to pay these pediatricians. Answers included increased state funding based on the improved attendance rates schools could expect from healthier children. The council also noted that by having a physician supervise schools’ responses to concussions, seizures, and anaphylaxis, districts might avoid costly litigation, adding under their breath, “if you know what I mean.” Personally, I would do the job for free just so I can finally learn what really happens in the Teachers' Lounge.
Punks’ Music
As a teenager, I always wondered if the kids who listened to heavy metal really were more likely to be delinquents than kids like me, who gravitated more to Lawrence Welk. Now a Dutch research team has answered that question with a definitive “yes.” Using questionnaires and some pretty awesome statistics they determined that kids who preferred more rebellious genres of music at age 12 were more likely to engage in delinquent behavior and drug use at age 16. Implicated genres included rock, heavy metal, gothic, punk, hip-hop, rhythm and blues, trance, and techno/hardhouse. Twelve-year-olds who preferred classical music, jazz, or mainstream pop were less likely to wind up in trouble but more likely to have their lunch money taken, again.
As a parent, I’m left with questions. For one thing, what if my kids prefer genres not represented in the survey? What about country? Adult contemporary? Aquacrunk, brostep, chillwave, dubstep, electrofunk, freakbeat, gamewave, happy hardcore, incidental, jangle pop, k-pop, lounge, merengue, neurofunk, oi, psychobilly, queercore, riot grrrl, skweee, trip-hop, urban folk, volksmusic, worldbeat, xote, yo-pop, or zydeco? Clearly more research is needed. I do take comfort, however, in knowing that my daughter is probably not a delinquent as long as she continues to love Justin Bieber. But there’s no way I’m letting them hang out.